It’s not really Day One. Not in the bigger sense at least. But it is Day One of this Mission.
I’ve felt for a long time that not all was right with My Little Man. Our First Born. Light of our Lives. Son and Heir. Pride and Joy…. well, you get the picture! He’s always been ‘that kid’ that needed ‘just a bit more’ attention than other kids around him. I’ve never really been able to relax when out and about with him and on more than one occasion I’ve found myself wondering why it feels so difficult to do things. I began to think it was me and just the way that all kids are – other parents were just better at ‘it’ than I was or at least better at making it look easy!
Then Our Little Girl came along. Our second born. Other Light of our Lives. Also Pride and Joy. Things were different. We jokingly called her ‘The Lady in Waiting’. She didn’t demand, or fuss, or cling, or need as much as our Little Man. She was treated the same as Wee Man, yet she was so different. BIG wake up call for me. It wasn’t me, or the way we were parenting. It was all of that personality that I had no control over.
To cut a long introduction short, we are now nearly four years into the parenting game and times are getting pretty tough. While dealing with the ‘Terrible Two’s (whoever had the bright idea to try and refer to this as the ‘Terrific Two’s’ has clearly not spent long in our house! LOVE the positivity, but man…..hard work!) has been hard enough, doing this with a kid that still needs more attention….constantly…. is proving to be pretty exhausting.
I’ll be honest, most days there are tears. Theirs and mine.
One thing I couldn’t get over when my friends began having babies is how much little people cry…. who knew? Over everything and nothing. It blew me away! But I was also amazed with the ease that most of these tears could be kissed and cuddled away. Brilliant I thought, I’m GREAT at kisses and cuddles. I’m going to be the fixer of all things broken when it comes time to have our own family!
Wrong. Mainly because most of the tears are mine! And have come as a result of the sheer exhaustion that is dealing with a child that is so physically and emotionally demanding. Don’t get me wrong, this is no ‘pity party’. I know and constantly remind myself how many people are out there with sick children and bigger problems. I will take this any day. I just need to figure out what ‘this’ is. And this is where my mission begins. Today.